I wanted to talk about my Depression, so normally when I try to sleep I end up thinking about stuff that I shouldn’t. You know when your brain decides to go.. Oh you remember this? You remember when you did this?
Well that happened to me last night, I think I was half asleep but it made me tear up a little. Basically I was having an argument with someone who was saying I wasn’t Depressed and that I was lying..Remember I was half asleep when this was going off and my brain was just over thinking so anyway in my head I was like how do you know I’m Depressed?
I feel like I’m dead on the inside and I can’t fix it but you’re telling me I’m not Depressed and that you think you know me? Do you know how it feels to feel so alone even though there is so many people around me? Do you know how paranoid I get when I go out and think that everyone is laughing at me or that everyone hates me or how I think I annoy my friends by talking too much. But no you think you know me?
This was all going off in my head whilst I was trying to sleep and I’ll be honest I do feel this way, I do feel like I annoy my friends and that everyone is laughing at me and that everyone hates me and I can’t help it. I have to have headphones in every time I go out so I can isolate myself and it sucks because if I don’t have music my anxiety is really bad and it’s been getting worse because I’m gasping more where there is no need to.
And when I talk to my friends I always feel like should I of said that? Maybe they don’t like you? You’re talking too much and that’s why they don’t reply. It’s something I can’t control but it’s something I try and ignore even though I can’t.
Have you ever had this happen to you? Do you ever feel like this? I’d love to hear from you.
xo Tris xo