I don’t like talking about my anxiety but tonight I thought I would. I don’t go out the house that much unless I really need too, like… Read more “When Anxiety Takes Over”
I start work on Friday and I’m looking forward to it. I’ve not been in work since 2016 and I thought it was ridiculous to apply for… Read more “Going Back To Work – Where My Story Begins”
I’ve been watching A Series Of Unfortunate Events on Netflix and I’m loving it so far, the introduction is amazing and once you see it you can’t stop. The cast… Read more “A Series Of Unfortunate Events – My Thoughts So Far”
So you know how I was talking about that interview? I GOT THE JOB. I’m happy about it but now I’m anxious about messing up. I’ve never worked… Read more “A New Start”
Hey everyone so today is my birthday and I’m spending it with my friend Stacey and I’ve not long got out of the shower and got dressed… Read more “My Day So Far”
I am officially 23!! I’m spending my birthday with my good friend Stacey and I can’t wait because we’re going to be having so much fun!! Bring… Read more “Happy Birthday To Me”
I’m not too sure if I have ever spoken about my art but I thought I might as well make a blog about it. I mainly draw… Read more “Drawing When Boredom Hits”
I found out earlier today that my medication that I’m on actually makes you gain weight like crazy. I know I’ve said before that I’ve wanted to… Read more “Weight Gain And Excercise”
The new update for my blog has been changed to The Girl In The Shadows I wanted my blog to be a bit different, I thought having it as my name was a little boring when it could be so much better.
So what does The Girl In The Shadows mean?
The girl in the shadows is about me having Depression, Anxiety and Borderline Personality Disorder. I hide within myself and sometimes when people ask me if I’m okay I tend to lie and say I’m fine when I’m not. It’s about being scared to be who you are incase you get rejected and for me I feel like I get rejected a lot especially from my family.
I feel that having Depression allows me to hide because there are days where I hide under the covers from everyone and just cry for no reason and sometimes when I do that I don’t talk to people.. I just shut them out and then I’m back in my dark place.. But some days I’m full of joy and want to do things and want to talk to anyone and everyone and read books or play my Xbox.. So sometimes I feel like there’s two people living amongst myself if that makes any sense at all.
I think hiding my feelings and emotions whilst I’m going through a rough patch is a good idea even though I know it isn’t and I should do more about it but the house I’m in makes me feel like I’m being held back by chains because of the things that have happened to me in this house.. Whilst I’m in this house I don’t think I can ever move forward and I think that is why I hide in the shadows.
Depression has affected me for 7 years now, it makes me feel like I’m alone in a dark cell being held back by chains and sometimes I cry for no reason and I feel helpless and I always tend to think maybe I’d better off dead.. For me that’s what Depression does.
My anxiety makes me gasp for breath sometimes I don’t even know why I do it, I panic for no reason. I can imagine things happening to me in my head and then a part of me makes me feel like it will happen and then I’ll panic because I scared myself with my own thoughts.
I get paranoid at people staring at me or laughing whilst looking at me which makes me think that they’re laughing at me..This is why I suck at being around people but sometimes I strike up a conversation by mentioning something like the weather and that calms me down a little.
I may have made this longer than expected but I felt it was needed.
Please know that if you or anyone you know has Depression please know that you can message me here directly and come and talk to me. You’re never alone when you have Depression, always talk to somebody about it.
xo Tris xo
Medications & Me #Medication #MentalHealth