The new update for my blog has been changed to The Girl In The Shadows I wanted my blog to be a bit different, I thought having it as my name was a little boring when it could be so much better.
So what does The Girl In The Shadows mean?
The girl in the shadows is about me having Depression, Anxiety and Borderline Personality Disorder. I hide within myself and sometimes when people ask me if I’m okay I tend to lie and say I’m fine when I’m not. It’s about being scared to be who you are incase you get rejected and for me I feel like I get rejected a lot especially from my family.
I feel that having Depression allows me to hide because there are days where I hide under the covers from everyone and just cry for no reason and sometimes when I do that I don’t talk to people.. I just shut them out and then I’m back in my dark place.. But some days I’m full of joy and want to do things and want to talk to anyone and everyone and read books or play my Xbox.. So sometimes I feel like there’s two people living amongst myself if that makes any sense at all.
I think hiding my feelings and emotions whilst I’m going through a rough patch is a good idea even though I know it isn’t and I should do more about it but the house I’m in makes me feel like I’m being held back by chains because of the things that have happened to me in this house.. Whilst I’m in this house I don’t think I can ever move forward and I think that is why I hide in the shadows.
Depression has affected me for 7 years now, it makes me feel like I’m alone in a dark cell being held back by chains and sometimes I cry for no reason and I feel helpless and I always tend to think maybe I’d better off dead.. For me that’s what Depression does.
My anxiety makes me gasp for breath sometimes I don’t even know why I do it, I panic for no reason. I can imagine things happening to me in my head and then a part of me makes me feel like it will happen and then I’ll panic because I scared myself with my own thoughts.
I get paranoid at people staring at me or laughing whilst looking at me which makes me think that they’re laughing at me..This is why I suck at being around people but sometimes I strike up a conversation by mentioning something like the weather and that calms me down a little.
I may have made this longer than expected but I felt it was needed.
Please know that if you or anyone you know has Depression please know that you can message me here directly and come and talk to me. You’re never alone when you have Depression, always talk to somebody about it.
xo Tris xo