I wanted to write this blog yesterday but I was so angry and upset that I couldn’t do it. I’m literally so emotional today and I literally cannot stop wanting to cry so I’m really trying to hold it in.
My BPD therapy yesterday was awful and such a disaster, it was only me and someone else from our former group and a massive sh*t ton of new people and they were all nice when I got to know them..Except for one person. They laughed whilst people were talking and that really pissed me off and upset me.
I went to KFC to get something to eat and drink so I could calm myself down a little and it did work for awhile until I started telling my mom and then I got angry all over again..I’m thinking of getting myself a dog, a shihtzu and I wanted to call her Chloe..I’m hoping to get a female..So I did a Facebook status saying I was going to start saving up for my own dog and that I’d call her Chloe who will be named after my exs dead dog Chloe..
But then all hell broke loose and I mean literally. I was getting told that I couldn’t name my future dog Chloe because that was my friends daughter’s name and that she’d be really upset if I named my dog after my friends daughter which is something I’m not doing. It’s being named after a dead dog.. At first I thought they were joking but turned out they wasn’t when they tagged their friend in my staus and said “I’ll let you deal with this” I can’t even name my own dog anymore.. I got so worked up about it that I broke down and cried..My exs dog was called Chloe, she had dementia and she was blind.. If I was upset she’d force her way into my arms and she’d snuggle up to me and she meant the world to me and I never got to say goodbye, my ex had her put down without telling me and I was so upset to find out from a friend that Chloe had been put down. She was almost 18 when she was put to sleep. I have never felt such sadness over a dog like Chloe and I want to honour her by naming her after another dog. I guess I can’t do that.
Work felt so draining today so I’m glad it went by pretty quickly, I’ve started talking to a guy called John and he seems really nice and he wants to meet up with me to see me in person to which I said yes. I’m so nervous that he won’t actually like me because I get so paranoid but I’m hoping when we do meet things will be okay.
I have done my workout 10 but I haven’t got around to posting it yet to which I’ll probably do tomorrow.. Oh and I’M GOING TO MANCHESTER! I’m going to see my friend Lia and we are going to have a good catch up and some girlie time! We used to go to school together and it’s really nice that I managed to keep in touch with her. She’s such a nice girl and I’ve missed seeing her in person.
I’m going to be buying myself some digital art pad thingy probably next friday so I can start doing Digital art and see if I can master it and If I’m any good I’ll post some here.
I’m sorry I’m not in a great mood today, I just want to cry but my body is screaming to not cry.. I just feel so crappy today.
ALSO ME AND LIA ARE PLANNING ON GOING TO AMSTERDAM!!
The Girl In The Shadows