I have never actually written about the time I came out the closet as a “Lesbian” when I was 11 years old, so I thought why not do it now.
I was around 10/11 years old when I decided to come out as a Lesbian.. I felt it was the right time and that everyone should know. I came out at school..It was the biggest mistake of my entire life. I thought it wouldn’t be too bad but I was highly mistaken.
I got asked all the time and I mean all the time.. “So how do you know if you’re a lesbian? How many girls have you slept with? Have you fingered a girl? You don’t look like a lesbian! Elw..Why would you like girls? You’re disgusting..”
Literally it went on for almost 5 years, I didn’t have my first girlfriend until I was 19.. And I lost my virginity when I was 19.. I wasn’t as stupid as the girls at my school who were getting pregnant by the age of 16.
When it came to telling my mom that I was gay and that I liked girls, she didn’t seem to mind and I think she said to me that she always kinda knew that I liked girls.. But now I class myself as Bisexual as I prefer men and women.. I also class myself as Genderfluid as for me I feel like I am a man and woman in one body.. It’s way more complicated than you think when it comes to explaining Genderfluid.
I came out as Bisexual in 2013, I’ve had a few boyfriends but they’ve never been really intimate.. I always get paranoid and shove them off before things get too serious. I’ve dated 3 women and been intimate with 2. The first one was the love of my life and we were together for 9 months but I didn’t notice that our relationship wasn’t what we thought it was. My second girlfriend was great at first and then came the emotional abuse..And my third relationship lasted a few weeks because they didn’t like the way I was.. I’m way too hyper, I fart a lot and sometimes I swear a lot too.. Apparently it was enough to put someone off me and to be honest I couldn’t give fuck.
My mom calls me greedy because I like men and women and my moms friend said that Bisexuals are disgusting and greedy and when I started to get angry she turned around and said she was joking. WHO FUCKING JOKES ABOUT BISEXUALS BEING DISGUSTING?!!
I’m happy with who I am now, the sexuality side of me that is, I don’t care if people don’t like me for being Bisexual or If I swear and fart too much. I’m like Marmite you either love me or you don’t. I’ve even been told when I used to go to church that If I was to ever marry a woman I wouldn’t be welcome at their church so I said “That’s okay, my god loves all people of different cultures and sexualites” They grunted and left.
I even had church friends turning on me when I told them I liked girls, they used to prank call my house all the time so we had to get the house phone number changed. I’ve not gone back to church ever since, it just seems everyone at church are so closed minded and judgemental.
So as Lady Gaga would say:
“No matter gay, straight, or bi, Lesbian, transgendered life, I’m on the right track baby,
I was born to survive.
No matter black, white or beige
Chola or orient made,
I’m on the right track baby,
I was born to be brave.”
And if anyone tells you that you’re going to hell, just tell them at least all the hot people are there. It super pisses them off! ❤
The Girl In The Shadows