So today was my last day of therapy, I feel sad about it because I grew close to the other people there and I don’t know how I’m going to regulate my emotions.
I’m so used to a routine now and it’s going to be blown out of an airlock.. I’m thinking of maybe starting to read on Thursdays or draw/paint. I want to keep myself as busy as possible. I don’t want to tell work that I can work Thursdays because I don’t want to over do myself again.
I’ve swapped numbers with certain people because we have grown close and I’m going to miss them and I still want to offer support and be there for them. They are all really nice people and I wish them all well, they deserve to be happy.
As for me I’m tired sweaty and feel really drained, I used my refunded bus fair on a pink strap top because I was too warm and now I want the tops in the other colors. The only downside to the top is my cleavage is now on show xD
I’m also listening to U2 – I Will Follow and I highly suggest it as it’s a great song but I’ve always been a lover of U2 because of their song “With Or Without You.” I use music to escape the noises of people and to zone out so I don’t get paranoid and sometimes it stops stupid people talking to me or getting compliments when I don’t want them.
I spoke about the abuse I suffered as a child and for once I didn’t even cry about it, I just spoke about it as if it was an every day conversation, I’m very proud of myself for that and I’ve come a long way. I’m not aggressive anymore and me and my mom have nice conversations now without screaming and shouting though we do that every so often, and I spoke about something that I regret doing when I was 19 but I was mentally unwell then and had no..Idea of the consequences…
Basically I made some girl up called Skye, she was we somebody I should of saved which was the 8/9 year old me. I brought this person to life and made people believe she existed and when I got depressed one day I made this “skye” character who isn’t real die..
I don’t know why I did it but I just did. But “Skye” was me and she felt my feelings my depression and anger when I held up a brick wall. She was someone I wanted to be and I got rid of her because I realized I was crazy and I couldn’t do that anymore. And now that I’ve been in therapy I realized so many things about myself and the things that I did and the way I was. I don’t even understand why I did them either and I can’t explain it that well now. But I was very ill and had a lot of problems.
I also talk to myself all the time and answer myself or sit laughing and this doesn’t make me “crazy” but this is something that I have done for so long because it helps me calm down or relax and I’ve tried to stop doing it and you know what? I can’t. I’m not crazy.. At least I think I’m not.
Have any of you talked to yourself? I know it’s a stupid question and I’m literally putting my crazy self out here by talking about this.
Also have you got any ideas how I can keep myself busy other than work?
The Girl In The Shadows