I haven’t posted in such a long time but I needed the space especially to clear my head. I have been out travelling to the countryside and some other places and honestly it’s done me wonders. But let me talk about the bad stuff first before the good stuff.

So my doctor put me on Venlafaxine 37.5mg and at the beginning it was awful, in the day time I’d be so tired I’d fall asleep anywhere including the stairs after getting tired in the middle of cleaning my rabbits cage. My body constantly feels like it’s too heavy and could drop at any moment but it never does it only forces me to sit down a lot.

Night time is the worst, even though it’s the same medication it has different effects for night time. It basically makes me feel like I’m paralyzed and when I wake up during the night or in the morning I feel like I can’t move but I can see whats going on and it’s frightening as hell. So I get scared of taking the tablet at night.

But the medication is helping it’s just very draining sometimes and I can’t always stand long because my legs get painful if I walk too long or stand too long.. I had to stay at my friends once because my whole body went numb and I was tired and gasping for air and had to be sat up and had to have help to drink some water but that hasn’t happened since. I just get the numbing in my body and if I was to get up.. Well just imagine someone who’s drunk but like completely wasted..

I’ve been to Derwent Dam, and I went hiking there even though I didn’t have the right equipment and footwear but I enjoyed it so much and it’s a beautiful place. I’m also not feeling suicidal now like I was before and I’ve had some great support from my friends.

Here’s some photos of me and where I went!! The view is the best.

I’m in a somewhat good place but I don’t know how long it will last.

Love From

The Girl In The Shadows