Today has just been up and down like a yoyo.. This morning I could barely get out of bed due to a migraine and moving just made it worse so I fell back to sleep which made the migraine 10x worse.. I put my headphones in and went downstairs even though my body felt like it was burning so I went and got myself a drink..
My bedroom was an absolute mess and I didn’t have the energy to do it so I threw everything onto my bed and moved my draws and then my bed because my mom’s friend had told me it would look nice the way she had described it but I had gotten it all wrong and I didn’t have the energy to move everything around again. My mom’s friend came over and helped me clean up and moved my bed and draws and managed to get a rug down and now my bedroom is finally a place that I can think clearly and my little rabbit Harry isn’t allowed in the bedroom as we found so much rabbit poop under my bed XD but he still runs to the door and scratches the door to try to get in.
This is what my bedroom looks like now, I’m not showing the original picture because it’s damn awful..
So this is my bedroom ^ if any of you were curious, I have all my books on the left side of my bed so its way more easier for me to just grab a book and read now. On the right side of my bed are my DVDs and my Harry Potter books and other Star Trek books.. And can’t forget my LGBT flag from Pride 😀
So right now it’s 00.57 am, I have struggled to sleep sometimes and won’t fall to sleep until 3-4 am, I have sleeping pills but they don’t always work and I didn’t think to take one tonight.. I have been off my medication (Venlafaxine) for a few weeks now and I feel loads better.. I was a complete mess on them and I know it’s stupid to go cold turkey on medication but it’s what I do.. And I want to try to stay off medication and go out and do things that will make me feel better rather than being dosed up on pills that may or may not help me.
It’s times like this when I start thinking about things I did in the past like when I overdosed when I was 17 because for me I was stuck in a bad place and only saw one way out.. I don’t regret that day and a part of me does regret it.. I’m not the same person anymore and I know I never will be.. If anything it’s messed me up more than half the crap that has happened to me over the years.. This blog let’s me escape those demons even for a few minutes and for that I’m thankful. But I really do wish I could sleep.
The Girl In The Shadows