So I guess I haven’t written anything in a few months.. Thought I should start writing again as I have missed doing that mainly because I don’t want my boyfriend to think bad of me if I write something on here that he doesn’t like but then again this is my safe place for me and for anyone else who needs it so If YOU need someone to talk to I’m right here like I’ve always been.
So where do I start? Well me and my boyfriend have had some really bad patches mainly because of silly little arguments over little things that are BIG things to me. So to begin with I thought he was being a bit too clingy with me and because of my BPD self I was over-thinking that it was a bad thing because I haven’t dated a man in such a long time and if you’re a new reader well.. I used to only date women because I felt safer with them but I can’t contain my happiness with my new boyfriend even though my BPD plays up so bad within this relationship and trying to get my boyfriend to learn about BPD too but he forgets that I do things because of the BPD..
You know the constant mood swings the I hate you, don’t leave me crap. I even pushed him away after dissociating in his car.. I’ve never done that especially in a car, it started because he took the wrong turn going to KFC and after that all hell broke loose. I ended up screaming and shouting and I sorta remember me stamping my feet… It had been a stressful day because work was quite hectic and I thought it would be fun because my boyfriend was staying over for the first time but fuck it was a nightmare… He still slept over but it was awful.. I felt so detached and exhausted and just wanted to be left alone but held at the same time but how do you tell someone to just hug you but also don’t touch you.. I honestly hate the way I am sometimes..
BUT.. I have to tell you the good parts too! So buckle up, right so my boyfriend “James” took me to White Post Farm for my birthday (Jan 7th) this was when we broke up because this was when I wasn’t used to the constant need of hugging and kissing that James wanted so it wasn’t as awkward as I had expected it to be and it ended up being a great day.. I got to feed a white reindeer and it was stunning, I petted some goats, sheep and a pig though it was rather fat and more interested in its food than me (LOL) so I had a great day turning 24 years of age and I guess this is where they tell you not to blink too fast as I’ll be 30 before I know it.
Oh yeah did I mention I got to hold a snake? 😛
Next good thing! I have a cat called Pitch though her Instagram is (Lady_Pitch_Black) She is my world, I still have my rabbit but sadly I have been lacking my rabbit duties but today I cleaned out his hutch which had a mountain of poop and I feel like a bad rabbit momma because I’ve been so hectic and my life has got so busy but it’s no excuse for the state my rabbit has been living in. Pitch is 3 years old and she’s a black cat and she’s quite sassy and she likes to sit on your shoulder. She has become my best friend and my rock.
I haven’t written in such a long time that I don’t even know what to write.. I got my hair dyed blonde because eventually I will be dying my hair a baby pink color when it’s a lot longer though.. To be honest I have been feeling great for such a long time except for the BPD though.. For once I am happy with my life even though I’ve had some ups and downs with my job.. We got broken into at work but it wasn’t too serious even though it sort of was but everything was fine in the end.. I did apply for another job and went for the interview but never heard back from them which was highly aggravating.. Like why even interview me?? But I have been trying to remain positive, I’ve started doing Yoga again but I keep forgetting to do it on a regular basis but when I did it I felt so good and full of emotion but the good kind and laughed afterwards because I felt really good.
New hair – Better me
My Star Trek: Voyager – Fandom page finally reached over 1,000 likes and boy has it gotten busy, I try to post on there as much as I can. I post pictures of Kathryn Janeway aka Kate Mulgrew (My Idol, my crush.. BEST ACTRESS EVER!) I adore Kate, if only I could thank her for everything in person! I have many admins that help me run the Voyager page because of how popular it has gotten even with some trolls too.. They’re highly irritating.
I also FINALLY managed to send Megan & Garrett their Christmas & Birthday presents and was very happy to know that Megan loved her E.T pjs that I sent her! Made me very happy to know that she and Garrett and my fave little unicorn Kealy loved their presents. I talk to Megan now and again normally when I get the time right as Megan is in Canada and I’m in the Uk so major different time zone.
Megan is like the mother I never got to have and I say that because she has helped me get through things that my own mother has proved incapable of doing. Megan helped me to calm down on my first BPD therapy, helped me to relax with my new boyfriend when I was over-thinking and panicking over the small stuff. She makes me laugh and knows how to make me feel better especially when I feel down which is very rare now. I watch Megan on Twitch when she and Garrett and sometimes Kealy goes LIVE.. I’d say I’m more friends with Megan but I do class all of them as family even though they’re so far away from me.. I guess in a way Megan & Garrett have helped me to become a better me and I’d rather thank them face to face if I ever get the chance.
So right now my life is good and I’m quite happy with how it’s become.. I have been off medication for a year now and it makes me so happy because I’ve always doubted that I’d get here that I’d ever feel this happy or be in a relationship which makes me get excited because I want to know what happens next but without thinking when is the next slip up? When does it go wrong? I’m trying to think positive and that’s exactly what I’m going to do for this year! I want to 2018 to be a positive year for me and I vow to stick to that too! Please do continue to follow me because I want YOU to continue to see me improve within myself.
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The Girl In The Shadows