I guess I thought this would never happen to me again. I got myself into a good place with someone who I loved and I was happy and we did have our moments but he made me smile when I didn’t want to, made me laugh when I didn’t want to. I guess when you know you know you have a good thing going on it never lasts.. There’s always something waiting to trip you up and I guess in this case it was me. I can never take back all the words that I said to him, the good the bad and the ugly.
Maybe this is it for us and maybe not. I used to love him telling me about his day even though I’d probably hear it several times but that was the best part. I loved the way he hugged me or how he would message me “good morning beautiful” but then that stopped. Then we always had miscommunication which I had wanted to try to fix again but it was already too late. I also liked the fact that we’d be talking till stupid hours in the morning especially when we first got together. Our first date was amazing, he made me laugh from the start and he was the best person you could have asked for. I loved him and probably will for a long time. But I guess I’m writing this because my head is all messed up and I don’t know how to fix things between us even though I had several ideas how to fix us but they don’t matter anymore.
I’m taking a break from social media except for my blog because I need it more than ever now. I’ve been so exhausted from crying and working and from over-thinking by the dozen, thinking about all the what ifs.. What if I did that or what if I did this? I guess I will never know. The love I have for this person will eventually be forgotten and I will be nothing but in the past. So right now I’m going to try to fix me, I guess I need to heal. I’m not sure if me and him will ever work things out but if by some chance that I get to I won’t fuck up this bad. I love someone who I can’t be with, someone who makes me want to get up in the morning and be happy. All I can say is thank you for loving me for this long and thank you for all the memories you gave me. In someway you helped to shape me to make me slightly better than I am today. I love you.
The Girl In The Shadows