The Light in the Dark

I FINALLY finished MBTI Therapy!! I should be feeling happy about it but I’m not too sure as I was told that I don’t need the one year therapy which makes me question why?? When it comes to my BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) I never have full control of my meltdowns or when I think hang on should I say that? or What would he/she say if I said that? because only 5% of the time I can say hang on, best not say that. So it’s kinda confusing to be told I don’t need the one year therapy but I guess I will have to see what happens.

I was taking Venlafaxine 37.5mg and at first I thought it was really helpful when in reality it almost destroyed my relationship because it made me really angry and I would get angry over nothing… My boyfriend was struggling because on my bad days I would swear at him or walk off because I was so angry but I would never know the real reason behind my anger. I lost my appetite and I lost a fair bit of weight when I was on them too, this scared me because far as I’m aware Anorexia is one of the side effects so I was always making sure I was eating but it didn’t help at all.

MBTI was good in certain ways, it helped me to understand what say my boyfriend was going through and made me think of his welfare and his mental state and I wanted to know how he was or if everything was okay between us because oh boy when I was on Venlafaxine I became the devil because I was that bad. I would scream at my mother which is nothing of the usual but I was really horrible to her when I didn’t need to be and it’s the same with my boyfriend too. MBTI made me realize that my medication wasn’t helping me and yet again I came off them cold turkey and the doctors never gave me enough. I had 2 weeks worth so I’d withdraw from them only to take them again a week later and I thought enough was enough.

Since MBTI has finished I’ve tried to keep myself busy, either reading, drawing or even going out with my boyfriend and our friends to watch a film and grab dinner. It was moments like that which helped me with the withdrawal symptoms and it also kept me occupied. Most days I don’t think I even notice my BPD but I know other people do because I get asked a lot if I’m okay and this is because when I’m sad I get into a bad depression and I end up not talking to anyone.

I’m hoping to see what happens next, I’m not sure if I will have more therapy because it’s still early days.

Love From

The Girl In The Shadows

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