Good morning everyone, I hope you’re all well. I want to give a shout out to Paul who emails me regularly to check in on me, it means a lot. ❤
So, I haven’t been taking my medication I know I should, but I haven’t. I know it’s there, but I don’t for some reason want to take it. I’ve been trying to focus on myself by redecorating my bedroom and I’ve finally got all the wallpaper and underlay off thanks to my good friend Rob. I’m having my room Pink and Purple with Purple and Pink accessories, I cannot wait until it’s done so I can buy all the new furniture and it’s a lot that I’m getting and it’s going to be a struggle as I’m still out of work and it seems that finding a job right now is not going to happen as I recently got told that I need my care work to be up to date and so that’s why I didn’t get an interview.
Since I’ve been talking to 6+ guys I’ve met one of them form POF and he is lovely, we tried to cook a shepherd’s pie and we cut up onions and carrots but half of it ended up on the floor. We added lots of cheese because it’s the best part and we also played some Resident Evil 2 and Minecraft and I told him that I need to show him how to use Mixer which is where I stream my gaming to and streaming to Mixer has bought me many new friends and has helped me to get through many difficult challenges.
There’s also two people I need to thank and that’s KhadHD and Charkon, I subscribed to them on Mixer and have been watching them for a couple of months now and Khad helped me when I tried slashing my arm and talked to me and encouraged me to clean my arm and kept talking to me about random stuff which helped me to not think about self-harming or my complicated breakup. Charkon just makes me laugh which cheers me up when I’m feeling depressed or suicidal, I bought a mug of his and I have donated money to him because I want him to succeed and I enjoy watching his streams. They’re by far the best streamers I have come across as they have been good to me.
My break up has really affected me because of my fear of abandonment and I couldn’t understand why he told me to grieve for him like he was dead, I tried my best to support him so it really messed me up, Khad helped me to get through that by just talking to me and making me laugh and reminding me that it’s not my fault and that he’s an idiot. My friend Rob also drove 400 miles to come and see me for 3 days just to make sure I was okay, and he recently came up and drove another 400 miles to help me with my bedroom and hangout and It was good. It’s so easy to feel alone when you’ve come out of a 1-year relationship and know that you will no longer wake up to the person who you thought loved you, but I’m getting used to it. It’s why I’ve been streaming a lot more but not really writing about how I feel or how my day is going. I always feel lonely now that I don’t get to see or speak to James. He will always be the guy who officially broke me, but I’ll find someone who will pick my pieces up.
So, today I’m cleaning my room again as I’ve got to move my bed into the middle of the room with my drawers and then hoover the floor and move my books and DVDs which are all in bags. I really cannot wait until it’s finished just so I can relax. I miss being able to just relax and lay in bed and watch my favourite streamers. Everything just sucks when I barely have any money and I miss working and earning my own money, I just want to get back into work. I’m also getting my passport done so I can travel to Ireland to see my friend Weno for a week and then probably going to Lanzarote in September with Rob and family which I think will be good for me. I want to travel the world now that I’m single again. I want to find myself again even if it means leaving everything behind just so I can get a fresh start again.
The furniture that I’m getting for my bedroom is a lot, but I cannot wait! Here’s what I’m having:
• X2 wardrobes
• Arm Chair
When my bedroom is finished, I will post pictures. If you feel like donating to help me out, then follow this link but you don’t have to donate if you don’t want to.
Also make sure to check out Khad and Charkon on Mixer and watch their streams, if you do follow them tell them that SimplyDarkness sent you as that’s my gaming alias.
And if you want to follow me on Mixer then mine is:
The Girl In The Shadows