Hey all! I’m sorry I haven’t written anything in while. I wanted to focus on getting myself back to a good place. I’m not sure if I mentioned it here but after my rough breakup I snapped and tried slicing my arm with glass because I couldn’t handle how my relationship ended. After spending a year with someone who I thought loved me, I couldn’t ever dream of them telling me via my friend to grieve for them like they were dead. I was in a very dark place; I wasn’t eating or showering.
I now have a new job, I’m working as Care Assistant at a care home and I’m loving it, everyone is lovely and they’re the kind of people who can have a laugh with you. It feels good to finally find a place like that. It’s just what I need. I’m also in a new relationship but… I’m struggling to be myself around them, I have known them since 2016 and I met them because of me meeting Garrett Wang in 2016. I like them, I’m just not sure how to relax around them. It feels weird when he tries to hug me, and I’ll tell him not to touch me. I think as much as I don’t want to admit it, I think a part of me doesn’t want to go through the hell that I had when James broke up with me and what he said to me. I don’t want to be so head over heels for someone that it mentally fucks me up, I cannot do that again. I think I’ve somehow built a wall and even I don’t know how to knock it down. Any suggestions would be lovely.
So, me and new boyfriend Rob, went to Longleat Zoo and I got to feed some Giraffes. The tallest Giraffe they had was 19ft and his head weighs 6 stone, that’s close to how much I weigh. It was hilarious trying to feed him because he is so damn strong!
And I also got to feed this cheeky one as well.
My other favourite part about Longleat was getting to feed some wild birds, I’m not sure what they’re called as I can’t remember but we fed them twice. The first time we had some come to us and they started fighting which was hilarious and their faces are super funny. The second time we fed them we got swamped by all of them and I had one that sat on my head. It was great.
Here they are fighting and pulling silly faces.
And how could I not show you a picture of me feeding a Sea Lion! they are my favourite animals and I want to one day get up close with one by doing be a Zookeeper for a day.
For the first in what feels like a long time, I’m feeling happy again and it’s going to take me quite a while to really get over James. I think the worst part that did it for me is that he didn’t have the guts to tell me to my face. I’m an idiot for falling for him the way I did but I won’t let that mistake ruin my life. I have a new job and a new relationship that I’m going to give my full attention. I’ve also been invited to Lanzarote in September by Rob’s parents and if I get to go, I think it’ll really do me some good to get away.
I’ve done the whole relationships for so long that I don’t think I’m capable of being on my own, I hate it. I always like to be with someone because I hate feeling alone and I was scared to be on my own again after James left me.
I finally got my passport done which means I can start travelling, I’ll be going to Dublin, Ireland to go and spend a week with my friend Weno. I can take someone with me, but I think I need to do that trip on my own. I need to start travelling by myself and venture out. I want to visit so many places and meet new people and just see the world.
I will be making some changes to my blog so keep a lookout, but I will let you all know in advance, also thank you to those who have followed me from day one. You have helped me so much just by listening and giving me your suggestions. I am very grateful. ❤
I will upload all my photos from Longleat and add them to my slideshow that’s on the main page.
I hope you all have a great day/night.
The Girl In The Shadows